Novena of Grace - Day Nine

The ninth day of nine days of grace....

There is a lot I said these past days, things that had stifled inside of me, not for lack of willingness to say them, but more for lack of someone who would listen. Friends have listened, family has listened..... But now I have published it, and it is here for anyone to read. And whether anyone does read it - or not - I do feel at peace that I have said these things, out loud, and that I have grappled with deep emotions to do what I could to identify it all. Process matters. Wholeness of integrity while wrestling with process - that also matters. I think I had that this past week. I think the Man of La Mancha would be proud.

There are things I could have said - unasked questions that I could have answered. For example: false reports are so rare, virtually nonexistent, and it is not even worth creating a factor for it; the church still will do what they can to call a victim a liar, though - I have one example of just that, with one client, but I happened to know that the Diocese had another report of abuse (they forgot that they had told me about it!) so then the Diocesan lawyer was the one who looked like a liar; sex abuse victims' lives truly have been destroyed, with real financial consequences (not to mention the pain and suffering) so there is a purpose to paying them money, though no amount of money will never return them back to square one, or give them back their childhoods; the church is not "nice" now, but continues to be a bully - I have a client whose story I was going to tell at St. Ann's parish here in Spokane as my client's surrogate (part of the Diocese settlement is that the victims may tell their stories at the parishes where they were harmed, and my client's abuser was Msgr. Pypers who served at St. Ann's), but the Diocese through its lawyer told me that I was not allowed to act as my client's surrogate in that way. Never mind that my client lives in California, is older, and likely unable to make the trip up here; never mind that he is not a public speaker and so would have asked me to speak on his behalf even if he did live up here. The Church would not allow it. In fact, to date the Church has succeeded in keeping the Pypers story shut down (though the lay review board did list Pypers' name as an abuser, so that's good).

There are so many answers to so many unanswered questions... know that, if you have a question, I likely have an answer - and it's not going to be a pretty answer, most likely....

Still, there is beauty in the Church. And there are good people there. I had a nine days' worth of it. A complete cycle - nine is the end of a cycle, did you know? Look at 10 - 1 + 0 - it is a one. A new cycle. So nine is completion, as we ready for what comes next.

Some of the words these past nine days encouraged me to have a voice; some gave me thoughts to ponder. And I do think that I have found balance, both physically and spiritually, just as I asked. And Grace, too. This last day of nine days, that is what I said I sought, when I went for my individual blessing. The relic-holder looked at me expectantly. Grace, I said. Just - I'm seeking Grace, today. And so she asked that God give me Grace. It was a perfect way to finish.

Novena of Grace - Day Eight

There were so many people in church for Day Eight. It was overflowing. Does this mean that people attend the Novena just on the weekends (which bookend the nine days)?

Loved the blessing. Loved the songs. Someone complimented me on my hair as we were leaving church. Ironic, since my hair worries (see Day Six) is what drew me this year to the Novena in the first place.

The sermon was on the prodigal son. It was told well, and considered well - probably told with an eye towards those in the church who have not been around recently, as a subtle way of welcoming them back.

You know the story - where the younger son takes his inheritance and squanders it, then gets stuck feeding swine, figures that this is not the life, and so returns to his father's house and asks forgiveness. His father celebrates the return; the oldest son complains because he has been toiling away for years and the father had never celebrated him; and the father replies, saying this is the time to celebrate your brother because he was dead but now is alive.

Hearing the story again reminded me of another sermon I heard a few years back using the same parable, but not told - or used - as well, from a priest who clearly was in torment over the sexual abuse scandal. He himself had known some of priests who have turned out to be pedophiles. He spoke of how he had not realized, how he wondered about whether he should have realized. His agony was honest, and I felt bad for him. Then he spoke about the story of the Prodigal Son. If the pedophiles were like the wayward son, and he was like the father, then should he not welcome the abusers with open arms back into the fold? I shook my head no. It was mixing apples with oranges. The parable is about God as the father, not priests. Besides, these abusers were still with the swine, stuck in their stories, their obsession, their justifications. None of them had walked towards home. And yes (as pointed out yesterday), the father does go to meet his wayward son as soon as he sees him in the distance. But the son had to walk towards home first. And then, if the parable can be used to talk about abuser priests and nonabuser priests.... isn't the only affront against the older son one of wounded pride? It is not as though the younger son first killed the older son, or fondled his genitals. Oh, and if the parable is used to talk about abusers as the wayward son and the hierarchy as the father - the parable would need to read that the father ran off with the son into irresponsibility, leaving the older son holding the bag. Which just emphasizes the point that the father in the parable represents God, not some fallible human being....

I'm not saying I know what God would do here. I do think, though, that it doesn't work to extend the metaphor that way.

Novena of Grace - Day Seven

It was Day 7 of the Novena of Grace here at St. Aloysius Parish in Spokane (at Gonzaga University).

We are definitely on the downhill side of the mountain. At least for me. It is like antibiotics. They tell you to keep taking the entire set of them even if you start to feel better in the middle of the cycle, to ensure that you really do knock out the illness completely.

One recurring thought this week is how, just before I started the Novena, I had been thinking a lot about the Egyptian goddess Hathor and her alter (altar?) ego, Sekhmet. In fact, I was getting ready to do a posting called "Hathor and Sekhmet: The Dual Diagnosis." As the story goes, Ra (the Egyptian name for God) was frustrated with the bad behavior of men on Earth and so he came to Hathor, goddess of all good things like sunlight and happiness and cows, and asked her to do something about these incorrigibles. And do something she did. She turned into Sekhmet, and went to war with the men. She started killing them all and drinking their blood until even Ra was afraid of her (and Ra was on her side). To stop her, Ra planted a bunch of beer and colored it with red pomegranate juice so that Sekhmet would be fooled into thinking it was blood. Sekhmet drank the beer and it mellowed her out, turning her back into Hathor.

I've had Sekhmet moments before. Once I was working on a case where the opposing counsel was being a jerk and was trying to harm my client, so I nailed him on it. Suddenly he started returning my phone messages by calling back my co-counsel who was, and still is, one of the most terrifying lawyers in this region. When my co-counsel called me with the messages, I said hey, why is this guy returning my phone messages by calling you? My co-counsel said, "Because you intimidate him. Hell, I'm on your side, and you intimidate me." Funny. I had taken on the guy only after he had tried to mess with my client. But I do think a little of Sekhmet was at the forefront there.

So last week, I was thinking - should I be shelving my Sekhmet side? And what does that mean? Sekhmet is a little insane, but is Hathor too mellow? Or perhaps the post-Sekhmet Hathor is the way to go. Perhaps that Hathor can take on the wrongs of the world with discrimination and evenhandedness, while still making her point. Don't know. Keep in mind, Sekhmet becomes Hathor again only because she's drunk with red beer. Is that a good thing? Maybe dump them both. In fact, over the years I have identified more with Joan of Arc - a warrior of balance - than with either Sekhmet or Hathor. But Joan is far more like Sekhmet than Hathor. And I am looking to put down my armor as I shift my focus from lawyering to writing. So maybe I should be relaxing all warrior ways. But if I do, will I let anyone down? Will anyone be in danger if I let down my guard? This was my thought process a week ago.

So this Novena of Grace - where I've been back and forth this week about exactly how tough I feel I must be on the hierarchy of the Church, when I know that problems still exist and that children potentially remain in danger - it seems like no coincidence that this week dovetails with all my recent Hathor/Sekhmet ponderings.

Novena of Grace - Day Six

Day Six was all about the oil.

Pulpit phrase of the day: "If our hearts are good, we can weather this storm."

My last time with the Novena of Grace, the blessing with Holy Oil - the Anointing of the Sick - came on Day Eight. This time, Day Six.

My last time, it was a hands-on blessing with all recipients in a circle, taking turns in the middle. That time, there was an elderly woman with crippling arthritis that stood next to me, looking just like my grandmother before she had died, so small yet so resolute, in such pain, always. May she get some relief, I had thought at the time as we all encircled this woman and placed our hands on her as the priest anointed her with oil and prayed for her healing.

This time, there were no such dramatics. Just a priest and me (the anointing blessing requires a priest, apparently - for that was the same each time). Yet still - so profound. He anointed my forehead with a murmuring of words, then the palms of each hand. We both said amen. As I left the Church, I rubbed my hands across my throat.

Which is the confession of the day. My physical imbalance that I am working to correct through this Novena of Grace is my thyroid. How I know? I keep losing hair. Lots of it. Still have lots more to lose. But when a handful came out last Friday, and then I heard that the Novena of Grace was starting up last Saturday, I knew that I needed to go.

So that's the confession. This whole Novena journal began because of vanity.

Now, in my defense, the hair loss likely is a symptom of a hormonal imbalance, likely with my thyroid (for which I already take medication), so it is fair and right that I should pay attention to the symptom and get the imbalance treated (and not just with the Novena but by a doctor too, which I am doing). But I don't know that I'd be so adamantly focused on creating balance with my thyroid if it weren't for the visual effects at stake here.

It could be I'm just losing all the gray. This happened to me before, where all my gray hair fell out. Back then - so many moons ago - I was in my 30s, very stressed out, and suddenly I was going gray. One thing led to another, I reduced the stress, and I lost most of the gray. Not too much hair fell out that time because I wasn't too terribly gray yet. This time? I've been losing it in handfuls.

And while vanity was the impetus, healing seems to be the result. My hair already has stopped falling out. How weird is that? All week long, I have lost almost no hair. Intellectually I know this cannot be due to the Novena of Grace, since hair follicles decide weeks ahead of time to release their strands of hair (and it just takes awhile for the cycle to manifest). Still. A little weird, don't you think? That I have had virtually no hair loss all week long during this Novena of Grace....

In the meantime, all this focus on my throat this week (in one of the relic blessings, the relic was even held on my throat instead of my forehead) seems to have had the additional effect of releasing a bunch of words I've had stored up about the Church. And so I've felt some balance spiritually too. Just the sharing of the words has created a healing.

God works in mysterious ways.

And so ends the second trilogy of days. One more trilogy remains.

Novena of Grace - Day Five

Day 5. In the middle. In the very middle. Four days of the Novena are in my past. Four days of the Novena are in my future. This day: the very middle. The eye of the storm.

Random thoughts about Day 5 of the Novena of Grace here in Spokane....

One of the days, I helped an older Jesuit with his walking crutch get through the mammoth church doors. He couldn't make his way. No one but me noticed that he needed help. My heart hurt, watching him try to cope on his own. In turn, nobody helped me, though I needed someone to hold open the second door. I had to instruct someone to help. She did. He thanked me. Another woman behind me, already outside, told me to be careful - that I had almost toppled over backwards down the outside steps as I was helping this man get through the doorway. I said it was chaos for everyone. I didn't want her to feel bad that she hadn't helped us out initially.

Other random thoughts....

A friend of mine told me a story of a little soul who was in heaven. He decided that he would like to be incarnated on Earth, and that the one thing he would like to understand was the concept of forgiveness. So he went to God and asked for the privilege to be incarnated with the goal of learning all there was to know about forgiveness. God granted his request. The little soul ran home, thrilled about his upcoming adventure. His little neighbor soul asked him what all the commotion was about. The little soul told his friend what God was letting him do. The friend thought about it for awhile and then said, "I'll tell you what I can do. I can ask to be incarnated as your father who beats you every day, so you can learn how to forgive me." The first little soul looked at his friend. "You would do that for me?" he said....

Other thoughts....

The sermon on Day Five spoke much about voices - about having a voice and speaking the truth. That sometimes people want to silence the truthteller, like when the townsfolk thought of killing Jeremiah because he kept saying unpleasant (but truthful) things, but there can be no silencing of the truth, no matter how unpleasant it sounds. It helped me immensely, to hear those words. I really do like this priest. Egads.

What he said at the end was powerful too: he had been talking about leadership and its potency, and how St. Xavier had written a letter saying that the duty of giving orders is a dangerous thing to give to those who are imperfect (or something like that)... and I thought yeah, yeah, the burden is great on all you ministers to be leaders of the flock... and then he spoke about leadership of this parish, and said that everyone is a part of it - that all must minister to each other. That this is not one leader, but many. These are big words, I think. They are not words heard often, regardless of forum. That the leader wants to share leadership like that.

Last random thought....

Towards the end of the service, I had a fleeting thought, that I sure do love the Catholic church. It teared me up. I'm so tired of crying this week.... This time I had tears because I was sad that I feel so compelled to be a broken record and rail against the workings of this Church when I love it too. And how can it be that this Church - that does not even belong to me - is a Church that I love? (with its history and its saints and its Holy Water...)

I do not love the Church's structure. Nor do I love a lot of the Church's teachings. I could never convert - they wouldn't have me. Seriously. They couldn't. I say "no" to too many of the teachings to be allowed to convert.

The root of my love is in the Church's ancient beginnings - in the stories of Hildegard de Bingen and Joan of Arc, of Michael and the other archangels. It is in the rituals that hold sacred power. It is in the people who have befriended me. It is in the priests who I have met individually, who have been true men of God. I have seen God in them. This has been my fate - to rail against Church structure, but then to meet its many good people and priests, one by one....

Novena of Grace - Day Four

Yesterday was the first day of the second trilogy of days of the Novena of Grace at St. Aloysius Parish here in Spokane and at Gonzaga University. I am in a pattern now of healing, or so I believe. It was physical healing I sought when I stepped into the church last Saturday, the first of the nine days. It is spiritual healing that confronts me as the week wears on.

I do love the smell of incense. I have forgotten about that this week until towards the end of the service each day, when they wave burning incense into the air and, like magic, I can smell its sweet scent as though it is burning next to me.

I am less verklempt now (to throw in a Yiddish word in the midst of a Catholic process) than I was on that first day about my role, and the priests' roles, and about my internal conflict of wanting to participate in this ritual while still standing firm against priest sexual abuse and those who might have allowed it. It has helped these past few days that the words of the priests leading the ritual have been thought-provoking and self-reflective. And it has helped because I believe that this is where I am supposed to be. At this Novena, this week. For whatever may come.

In one of the Novena services this week, one of the priests told a story of a governor who wanted to pardon the innocent at a prison, yet all the prisoners stated they were innocent. So he gathered all the inmates together and asked if there was anyone - anyone - in that room that was guilty of the crime that he was in prison for. Finally one man in the back of the room raised his hand. This was the man that the governor pardoned; he could not, the governor said, leave this guilty man in this prison to put in danger all the innocent men that were there! Funny.

The story triggered a memory for me, of the one bishop who participated in the cover-up of the sex abuse by priests who actually has come forward and apologized. I know of just the one. In his apology, he said he was "deeply sorry that the way we handled cases [in Orange County] allowed children to be victimized by permitting some priests to remain in ministry, for not disclosing their behavior to those who might be at risk, and for not monitoring their actions more closely." Yes, there was a reason for the apology, as old documents were getting ready to be released that showed his involvement in that lack of oversight and proper decisionmaking. But this was a real apology. A real admission of guilt and responsibility. It was not a tap dance, like all the other "apologies" I have seen. I called his office that day back in 2005, when I first saw the apology, and told his secretary to tell him that I said thank you. I was not anyone he would know, I told her, but tell him thank you just the same. I know a lot of people are still angry at this bishop. And I think he has not had clean hands since then. But it was the only time I saw something remotely resembling bold.

In today's Novena service, the talk was laden with words about peace and justice and humility. They were good words, strong words, right words, that recognized how far we have drifted - how far church leaders have drifted - from remembering how to stay humble. And then, at one point, there was a quote from Pope John Paul II, something he said back in the early 2000s: That if you want peace, you must work for justice. And that there is no justice without forgiveness. Apparently it is the phrase the Church uses now, in its reconciliation program.

But there needs to be truth, too.

People have asked me why not forgiveness and have used, as an example, that Pope John Paul II went to prison to meet with the man who shot at him and forgave him there. If the pope can forgive his perpetrator, why won't abused Catholics forgive their Church? I have been asked.

Well, let's look at it. First, the guy was in prison. So there already were consequences for his actions. The pope did not have that to worry about that. All that was before him was whether to forgive the man. Also, this guy was not the authority. The government was. Frankly, I am more forgiving of the pedophiles - who labor under a compulsion - than I will ever be of the hierarchy, who systematically put the interests of the Church ahead of children. In the pope's case, the authority - the government - had taken proper action by arresting and convicting the perpetrator and holding him jail where he could not harm others in the future. This is completely the opposite of what the Catholic Church's hierarchy did in this country. For decades. And still. I do not know of a single bishop in the United States - other than Cardinal Law from Boston - who was removed from his post in spite of the fact that we had decades of bad oversight from essentially all of them. And Cardinal Law from Boston was actually promoted. To Rome. He has a highfalutin title now. Without accountability, without a cleansing of the house and the system and the process - without even a "mea culpa" parting from the lips of the leaders in a real, substantial way - then there is no truth. We need truth.

So I have enjoyed the sermons. But they are not quite doing it for me, in terms of helping me come to a place of permanent peace.

Keep in mind, I'm a lawyer. I have represented victims of sexual abuse. It was my job to protect. And I have too much knowledge. I know that the system is not fixed. I believe, for example, that the system of protection in the Spokane Diocese is inadequate because of my own dealings with the layperson review board here these last couple of years. And I'm very aware that a more active lay review board in the Seattle Archdiocese was fired after making stringent efforts to make real change in the Church there to protect kids in the future. I remain quite concerned that the Church has yet to create a system that, as a practical matter, protects children first. So forgiveness could be a good thing. But there still needs to be consequences to actions. Without new, purer action, there can be no new consequence. It is how the conscience works.

Novena of Grace - Day Three

It was snowing yesterday, Day 3 of the Novena of Grace at Gonzaga University's St. Aloysius Parish. The dabbing of holy water was lost amongst the dripping of snowflakes. It was funny, how wet we all were. No one let me catch their eye so we could laugh.

My knees are hurting now. But only when I kneel. It's when I notice.

Happiness and full of light. This is what I felt as the service began.

One of the read-aloud prayers was from a woman who asked St. Francis Xavier to heal her husband's anger at the church for the pedophile abuse crisis, so that he could return to the church of his childhood.

It impressed me, that the priests read that prayer. It made me sad, the way the prayer was written. I got confused, imagining why it made me sad, or what would have made it better. I gave up imagining and felt sad for that family instead. Just for them. It was then that a different feeling overwhelmed me. It was Grace, perhaps. Tears welled in my eyes. Down my cheeks. Unexpectedly. Like an angel had smiled into the center of my heart with a blessing and the enormity of the blessing overflowed and overwhelmed.

The rest of the service... didn't matter. Though I did get my individual blessing at the end, from one of the relic holders (relics from St. Francis Xavier). When I said what I was seeking - balance, both physically and spiritually - and that the two are not necessarily connected, the relic holder smiled and said she imagined that they were. But then, she did not know the details of why I sought spiritual balance here, in this Church, or what might be causing imbalance in the first place. (See Day 1 for some of the whys and what-fors of it all....)

And then I was fragile. For the rest of the day. All stemming from that moment of grace.

And so the Novena's first trilogy of days came to end.... Two more trilogies to go....

Novena of Grace - Day Two

I went to the afternoon Novena yesterday. Beautiful. These services make me feel happy and full of light. This time, like last time, someone has befriended me. This time, like last time, it was quite by accident. That is something nice, too. To make that connection.

Some of the people's prayers are read out loud each day. One person's prayer yesterday was for strength to stop drinking. The very next prayer was from a parent who was worried about an alcoholic son. Hmm. Were those two people related to each other?

What is great, too, is the after-service event. That is when you can get an individual blessing from a St. Xavier relic. You tell the relic-holder what you are seeking, and the relic-holder (could be a priest, could be an assistant to the church) places the relic on your forehead and does a blessing related to what you are seeking. The first day, my request for a blessing was not very well organized. But then I honed my words, and yesterday simply said that I sought balance both physically and spiritually. It was a nice blessing. I guess it can matter to have clear in your own mind what it is that you are seeking.

Novena of Grace - Day One

I happened to see the announcement in the newspaper yesterday: St. Aloysius Church - Gonzaga University's cathedral - was having its 82nd Novena of Grace starting that exact day. It was time to go again.

Since I'm not Catholic, I don't quite understand what a Novena of Grace is. I know the basics: it is a nine-day ritual of coming to church each day and receiving a blessing with - in this church's case - a relic from St. Xavier. Then on the second-to-last day, there is a group hands-on blessing with holy oil. The nine-day event is intended for healing. Many come for physical healing. Others come for spiritual healing. But healing does seem to be the goal. Apparently Spokane's Novena is considered the largest in the world.

Last time I went - only time I went - was 2005. I was just out of minor surgery, and was very anemic from the ordeal. The doc had told me to expect to be anemic through the end of the year. When I went to see him a month later (must have been about April), he came in with the blood test results looking shocked. I was nearly back to normal, he said. This is - quite unusual, he said, almost mumbling to himself. "Oh - I know what happened," I said. "I went to the Novena of Grace over at Gonzaga about a month ago. We did a blessing with holy oil at the end. I asked for my anemia to be healed. It must be from that." He did not look reassured.

I'm surprised they let me in the church. I have, after all, represented victims of sexual abuse against the Spokane Diocese. I did, after all, sue Spokane's bishop for defamation of a housekeeper. (long story, not told here) Oh, and I did a countervigil to the bishop's prayer vigil for the victims one very-cold March day in 2004. I was on the cement steps of the cathedral downtown all morning long, with a small lit candle, waiting for other countervigilants to arrive at noon. About an hour into my morning, someone from the church came and told me to blow out the candle. That it was a fire hazard. On cement steps. With nothing flammable nearby. Man. Later, I did a letter to the editor that said victims don't want the bishop praying for them - last time he prayed for them, he decided to file a motion to dismiss all their lawsuits on statute of limitations grounds. (This is true - he said he had the lawyers file the motion after praying about it. I'm wondering who gave him the thumbs-up on it during the prayer process - likely not God, since the motion was not a good one, only caused temporary delay, caused incredible emotional pain to sexual abuse victims, and ultimately was unsuccessful). I said in the letter that they preferred that he pray to regain his memory instead (since he had testified in deposition that he could not remember any of the myriad of reports he received about one abusive priest in particular).

After all that, one would think that someone would spot me at the Novena and politely come up and suggest that I leave the building. Go syphon off the energy of someone else's church, one imagines that someone at the church might say to me. Especially since I'm not Catholic. Though my grandfather was. He entered the church devoutly. He left the church as an altar boy, refusing to go back. Guess what we think happened to him when he was an altar boy.

And one also may wonder why I even go in the first place. Especially this time, as it turns out that one of the priests conducting the Novena this time is high up in the Jesuit administration, is named in the new lawsuit against an abusive priest left to roam the recesses of Alaska, and fits the profile of being part of the hierarchy that maintained silence. Church first, children somewhere after that. The other priest is this guy's brother. Actual brother. Who also served in Alaska. The chances of one - much less both - of these men having clean hands when it comes to protecting kids during critical times these past couple of decades is pretty small....

I go because I love the Novena. I go because I love the Christian mystics. I go, this time, perhaps to come to some place of peace about imperfect men in a perfectly ordered spiritual world (even though we do not ourselves see or understand how each step holds that perfection). Perhaps I go, this time, to learn even more about having discernment while letting go of judgment. These men believe in hell. So if they hold responsibility - well, that that is where they will go when they die, for it is the structure that they believe. Perhaps they are in hell now. One can only hope, for the sake of their souls. For if they are not in hell-on-earth, and yet they were responsible parties, well then, they are without conscience. And that will just turn ugly in the long run.... for them, actually. In death, if not sooner. Or so I imagine it to be true. It's like the real definition of karma - it is not punishment for bad deeds. It is, instead, the universe's way of balancing out imbalanced energy. If you have acted outside of your integrity, then there is an imbalance. And the universe seeks to create balance. Hence, karma. You're best off if karma is instant. Otherwise, it will just build up over time, decades, lives.....

A part of me wonders if maybe I shouldn't come to the Novena at all, now that I know that part of the hierarchy is leading it. But I know that is false. I actually have a small physical ailment, so it is perfect for me to go to the Novena this year. Besides - it is almost a calling that I go.

Perhaps it is to heal the building. My exorcist play is about that. And my own presence has been about that at times, without me even knowing it. At my office, for instance. It is in the old Catholic girls school. Apparently a priest abused one of the girls in the building, I found out recently. Maybe even in my old office on the second floor (I'm on the first floor now). What are the odds of that happening? Decades after priest sexual abuse, a lawyer happens to lease an office in the building where abuse occurred - maybe even the very room where abuse occurred - and ultimately represents victims of sexual abuse against the Church. Karma, in a good way. Poor building. Poor room. At least some justice prevailed there. Even if it came decades later.

And I go to the Novena because there is something greater about it than these two priests. They asked at yesterday's service how many people had been to this Novena between 60 and 70 times. There were people who raised their hands. Amazing. So this Novena - it is not about the relationship between the priests and me. It is instead about the relationship between God and me. Between the mystics and me. Between St. Xavier and me, and his relics.

I guess. I don't know. I do know that I seek the healing offered in the physical. And I do believe that healing can take place on a multitude of levels. We will see how the week pans out. It is, after all, the Novena of Grace.