... but in a good way.
I spend much of my life practicing patience. It's like I rush to the corner and then turn around and urge whoever's with me to get to the corner - now, and fast! And they just mosey along instead. We all gather there, at some point - but it takes longer than I would like.
Sometimes in the midst of one of these rushing-around marathons, I take on the task of Being Patient. "I will learn patience," I vow from time to time (like the time my house was invaded by ants). This will last a little while, and then I will think, enough with this patience thing. I've figured it out already. Its gifts, its joys... blah blah blah. I'm ready to move again! (which, of course, is direct evidence that I haven't quite gotten this patience thing down yet...)
Now, however, patience is to take a back seat. I'm finally moving forward. After Labor Day, I've committed to moving my writing into solid reality. I have a few ideas of paths to take and will pursue them. Some people have offered to help, and I'm going to rely on them. Other people - I had thought they would have stepped into form by now, so I do move forward with a little bit of sadness at the thought that what I had expected and imagined may not be the ultimate path here... but that's okay too, if that's the way it all turns out. I've decided to take action, and will accept that outcome as a potential consequence of my choices.
Part of the motivation is simple mathematics. Meaning, either this happens or I go back to the law. You know, to pay the rent, put food on the table... Those two cats have such a demanding diet! I've had some financial cushion, and that's been great, but time marches on and I need to go back to making a living again. The thing about going back to the law - and taking on a regular caseload again - means that the law will be where I will spend my time (both my working and my mulling time). The law is not so compatible with writing, because it uses a completely different side of my brain and it likes to take up all my thinking time (which is what the writing likes to do). But clients take precedence, if I have them. Which, I will need to take them on again, soon, if the writing doesn't come to fruition. And then I will be torn from the writing for awhile. A long while. (Do not - I repeat, do not - believe any of the law shows that have the attorneys in trial within days of taking on a new case.)
But then part of the motivation is because it's time. It feels like time, I know it's time... It's like I'm standing at the corner, and people are arriving there too... I can't quite see them, not quite yet, but it all looks very, very good.... Movement, at last. Let's see how it goes.